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Friday, November 17, 2017

How to Apologize Like a Pro Especially during the Holidays

How to Apologize Like a Pro


The third revised and updated edition of my book How to Negotiate Like a Pro, How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere was recently published.  I have included a section in How to Apologize Like a Pro that is relevant during the holidays. I picked How to Apologize Like a Pro for three reasons. 
  1. There is a lot of bad behavior in the recent news. When making an apology, some deny their behavior;  some explain their behavior; and some try to apologize but often make things even worse. 
  2. It’s the holiday season. If you are estranged from a relative or friend, maybe this is the year you will  attempt to reconcile. Consider that your first move may be rejected but at least you know you made the effort. 
  3. We are not getting any younger. As we get older we may regret things we said or did in the past and want to  make amends before it is too late. 
  4.  What is an apology? A good apology is when one party accepts blame and responsibility for one’s actions and shows some kind of remorse or regret. Sometimes a party only wants an apology in order to resolve a dispute. It sounds like an easy way to settle a situation since no money is involved. However, that is usually not the case. An apology is in the realm of feelings and principles and some people see an apology as a sign of weakness.  Why is an apology so important to some people? It is a way to get their respect, dignity and reputation back. An apology can be very satisfying especially if the other side feels that he or she has been vindicated. 
Here are tips for a good apology:

1. The apology must be heartfelt and not be given begrudgingly. 
If it is not sincere, the apology will make the situation worse. If a person cannot give a sincere apology, it is not worth the effort.

2. An apology cannot be sarcastic. 
A sarcastic apology defeats the whole purpose of an apology; this is not a time to be snarky or flippant. An apology must be sincere.

3. You cannot add a “but” to the apology.
You can’t say, “ I am sorry, but it was really your fault.” That isn’t an apology. I once had a serious argument with a family member; the next morning she purportedly called to make an apology, but then she added all the things I did wrong to the end of the apology.  She should have just said “I am sorry.”

4. A good apology accepts blame.
As stated in Rule 3 above, people love being told, “you are absolutely right.” An apology that accepts blame is more likely to be accepted. “I really goofed on this. I am sorry and will try to make it up to you.” 

5. Keep it simple.
It is enough to say “I am sorry.” or “I apologize.” The more you say, the easier it is to get in trouble. Don’t be tempted to add something more so that you make things worse.

6. If someone apologizes to you, be gracious and accept it.
It is hard for some people to apologize. Somehow it gets stuck in their craw. If someone apologizes to you, accept it, and move on.

Here are some examples of weak and then revised apologies:

1. I am sorry if what I said hurt your feelings.
Translation: I am not really sorry for what I said, but I am sorry you took it the wrong way.
Revised Apology. I am sorry I hurt your feelings.

2. I am sorry you were offended by what I said.
Translation. I am not saying I am sorry I said it.
Revised Apology. I am sorry I said that. 

3. I am sorry if you misinterpreted my meaning. 
Translation. I am not sorry. You made the mistake.
Revised Apology. I am sorry I said that.

4. I am sorry we had a communication problem.
Translation. It’s mostly your fault.
Revised Apology. I am sorry I misled you.

5. I am sorry that you feel that you need an apology for what I did. 
Translation. I am not really sorry. You are very needy.
Revised Apology: I am sorry for what I said.


Never underestimate the power of an apology. Remember “To forgive is divine.” 









Mary Greenwood, Negotiator, Mediator, Attorney and Author of How To Negotiate LIke A Pro, How to Mediate Like a Pro and How to Interview Like a Pro. Books available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Nook and Kindle.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

How to Deal with a Boss Who has a Short Attention Span


1. Get to the point quickly.
Don't make it overly complicated. Skip the background and history you might tell someone with a longer attention span.

2. Summarize and put everything on one page.
If you report has several pages, put everything the boss needs to know on one page. Then summarize the one page with a conclusion.

3. Write a short agenda for your meeting for your use.
Write what you want to say, your quick arguments for your recommendation, so you know exactly what you want to say and how long it takes.

4.  Prepare a written document for him to sign in case your boss agrees with your recommendation.
It will save time if you have a written document to sign or even two alternatives if there are two possibilities. This will save you the time of coming back just to sign.

5. Allow your boss to take credit for signed agreement.
Even if the recommendations were all your idea, give your boss all the credit.



Monday, October 30, 2017

Another Book Review of Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro by author Sally Helen Constain

Review of Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro, How to Resolve Anything Anytime Anywhere  by

Sally Helen Constain, Author of The Keys to Fanny, Constain's epic debut novel.


 Super helpful and informative. October 27, 2017
This is the best 'how to' book ever! There is something here for everyone. The chapter headings and practice scripts are excellent ways to find the help you may need. I learned so much reading this book, and then re-reading select chapters. I leave it on my night table as a reference book. We live our lives negotiating in so many ways. Mary clarifies and guides the reader. This is an eye-opener, and can be a life-changer. The writing style is clear and conversational. Highly recommended for everyone, and also makes a great gift.


Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime Anywhere, Winner of nine book awards, Best How To Book, DIY Festival Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category Honorable Mention, London Book Festival; How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes Winner of five book awards Best National Book AWard, Law Category Best E-Book, New York Book Festival Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards Spirit Award, South Florida Writers Association, and How to Interview Like a Pro, winner of twelve book awards.
Email: mgreen464@aol.com, visit WWW.MaryGreenwood.org.



Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Readers Digest: How to Tell if you were Fired from Your Job Illegally (Excerpt by Mary Greenwood)

Excerpt from Reader's Digest Online: How to Tell if you were Fired Illegally


 


The tough part about making a claim of wrongful firing (or wrongful treatment) is establishing the link between the employer's actions and your claim of being protected in some way. There are signs, however, that can clue you in to that link, according to Mary Greenwood, Employment and Labor Attorney, Human Resources Director, and author of Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro, How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere:

  • Although you receive a bad performance evaluation, but there is nothing to evidence that your performance was bad

  • Although you're fired for poor performance, your last peformance evaluation mentioned no problems

  • Your boss fires you without following the established protocol/procedure, especially if it is outlined in the employee handbook

  • You are in a protected category/have protected status, and your treatment has been different from those not in the category or having the status.

  • The person who treated you wrongfully actually made discriminatory comments such as "You're not woman enough to do this job" or "We really need some new blood in this department" or "It's just impossible for us to accomodate your need for wheelchair ramp."

  • You are fired immediately after announcing your pregnancy

  • You are fired during or immediately following having taken Family Medical Leave.

  • You're fired just before you're about to become eligible for your pension

Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of Third Edition, How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere, Winner of nine book awards. Visit WWW.MaryGreenwood.org

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Book Review by author Jo Manning of Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro,



Here is a review of the Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro by Author Jo Manning. 


Jo Manning is the author of two Regency romances, "The Reluctant Guardian" and "Seducing Mr. Heywood" (a "Booklist " Ten Best Romances of the Year selection)  and my favorite, the non-fiction "My Lady Scandalous, The Amazing Life of Grace Dal." Jo was also the founder and director of the Reader's Digest General Books Library for over twenty years. 


Disclaimer: Jo and I became friends when we attended South Florida Writers Association events. 

Top customer reviews

on October 20, 2017
Format: Paperback

Mary Greenwood's books (which include HOW TO MEDIATE LIKE A PRO and HOW TO INTERVIEW LIKE A PRO) are written in an approachable, succinct, reader-friendly, no-nonsense manner. These are do-able guides to achieving one’s goals, to strategizing and winning in a variety of situations. The rules can be applied successfully in difficult work-related situations (pay disputes, labor contracts, how to close a deal, negotiating the highest possible salary) as well as in everyday hassles (hotels that don’t honor reservations, interacting with unethical individuals) and in tricky or interpersonal relations (dealing with one’s spouse or ex-spouse, haggling on eBay). Negotiation strategies are key, and Greenwood is very clear as to how strategizing works to one’s ultimate benefit. She is the “pro” who will guide you to becoming a pro. Her subtitle is How To Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere, and she lives up to it.

The exciting addition to this third edition is Chapter 7, How To Resolve Disputes With Difficult People…. Why did she come back and include this section in the book? She says it best:

…I was getting a lot of questions and comments at book signing and festivals about negotiating
with difficult people, specifically liars, narcissists and bullies and negotiators who were
unreasonable, unpredictable and unprepared. I decided to devote a full chapter to this topic and
outline techniques for various types of difficult people. Whether the other side is crazy or just
temperamental, it is still possible to get a settlement although it may take a lot longer.

And if there was ever a time for such a timely hunk of advice, it surely is now, beginning with the advice not to “let the other side’s behavior get under your skin”.

Be totally focused so that the other side’s behavior does not get “under your skin” or that the other side does not get “into your head”. The best way to respond to someone who says something totally absurd or ridiculous is to ignore it…

In her section on dealing with narcissists – and, again, how timely is that, these days? – she writes, “The key to negotiating with narcissists is that the negotiation is all about the narcissists.” She goes on, “They lack empathy and don’t care about you or your point of view.” Then, “It seems counter-intuitive, but if the other side is a narcissist, this can actually be an advantage for you.” Why? Because, she continues, “The narcissist wants to win, so if you can make the narcissist a winner, you are halfway there. You have to frame your issues so that the other side sees it as a win not loss.” The end result? “As long as he gets a win and he looks good, the subject matter itself is not as important. It is a classic case of form over substance.”

Greenwood’s twelve tips for dealing with a narcissist are spot-on. I especially like #2: “Leave your ego at the door.” As she writes: “Your intent is to make the other side look good. That may mean that you may have to look bad. It is really like acting. Your role is to make the other side look good no matter what transpires.”

Number 5 is pretty good advice, too: “Never interrupt a narcissist.” She notes, “It is always rude to interrupt anyone but interrupting a narcissist can be very offensive to the narcissist. However, don’t be offended if a narcissist interrupts you because narcissists think that what they have to say is more important than what you have to say.”

About pathological liars, she writes: #1 Tell the truth… ending with #7, Get everything in writing. In Tip #6, she advises “taking copious notes”!

And discussing bullies….who often display the traits of narcissists and liars…. Greenwood introduces this section with:

We have all seen a bully in the school yard, but lately bullies have been in the workplace and politics. When I think of a bully, these are some of the words that come to mind: control, bluster,
threatening, aggressive, hostile, intimidating, accusatory, annoying, harassing, insulting,
discriminatory, impatient, and taunting. Physically a bully tries to be intimidating by shaking his
fist or raising his voice. In some ways, the bully is a one-trick pony. Being a bully is the trick and
there isn’t much else. When she doesn’t get her way, she plays the bully role and tries to
intimidate the other side.

The last group of difficult people Greenwood discusses are those who are unethical. Here she is extremely clear that the meeting must be recorded and that a third party should accompany you. She further says that you must be “willing to walk away”, as “Compromising your ethics is not a good reason to stay in a negotiation.”

I want to end the review of this brilliant and succinct book with what served as her inspiration for writing this particular guide:

I wrote the original book as a result of my experience as a union negotiator. I had an Aha! moment
when I realized that the rules of negotiation for union contracts are the same as negotiating
anything in life, such as negotiation with your boss, your spouse, your bank, your siblings, and
buying a car.

These tips are useful to everyone, at every stage of our lives, and you will be very glad you bought this book, especially in these often trying times, and you will thank Mary Greenwood each time you use it for writing it.


Mary Greenwood, Negotiator, Mediator, Attorney and Author of Third Edition of How To Negotiate Like A Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere, Winner of nine book awards, How to Mediate Like a Pro, Winner of 12 book awards, and How to Interview Like a Pro, Winner of 12 book awards. Email: Mgreen464@aol.com and visit WWW.MaryGreenwood.org

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

How to Negotiate With a Narcissist Tip #2

 Tip #2 Never Interrupt a Narcissist.

Never interrupt a narcissist. It is always rude to interrupt anyone but interrupting a narcissist can be very offensive to the narcissist. However, don't be offended if a narcissist interrupts you because narcissists think that what they have to say is more important than what you have to say. This can be very frustrating when you are not able to get a word in edgewise, but be patient.

From Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro, How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere, published September 2017. Available Amazon, Barnes&Noble, Google Play, Nook and bookstores.

Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of Third Edition of How To Negotiate Like A Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime Anywhere. Winner of nine book awards: Best How To Book, DIY; Festival Runner Up, New York Book Festival; E-Book and Self-Help Category Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards; Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category; Honorable Mention, London Book Festival; How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes, Winner of 12 book awards and How to Interview Like a Pro, winner of twelve book awards: Visit www.marygreenwood.org

Sunday, October 8, 2017

How to Negotiate With a Narcissist Tip #1


How to Negotiate with a Narcissist Tip #1

#1. Leave Your Ego at the Door.

Your intent is to make the other side look good. That may mean that you may have to look bad. It is really like acting. Your role is to make the other side look good no matter what transpires. 

Be totally focused so that the other side's bad behavior does not get "under your skin," or that the other side does not get "into your head." Do not let your ego or emotions interfere with resolving your dispute with a narcissist.


From Mary Greenwood's , Third Edition of How To Negotiate Like A Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere. Winner of nine book awards, Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Nook, Google, and bookstores.  

www.marygreenwood.org

Thursday, October 5, 2017


Mary Greenwood's Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro, How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere Has Just Been Published


Mary Greenwood's Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro, How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere Has Just Been PublishedThe Third Edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro was published in September, 2017. Greenwood has added a new chapter on How to Negotiate with Difficult People, including pathological liars, narcissists and bullies. How to Negotiate Like a Pro gives the reader the tools to resolve any kind of dispute and reveals the preparations, strategies and tactics needed to close any deal.

Greenwood, attorney, HR Director and Union Negotiator says, "Everyone is involved in conflicts and disputes." A short list of some of the topics covered include 1) How to close the deal, 2) How to contend with a liar, 3) How to get the highest salary possible. Greenwood includes the ten questions to get the best deal and has created scripts for each of her 41 rules to walk readers through each stage of the negotiation.

How to Negotiate Like a Pro has won nine book awards. How to Mediate Like a Pro, has won 12 book awards and How to Interview Like a Pro has won 12 book awards.






Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of Third Edition, How To Negotiate Like A Pro:  Winner of nine book awards Best How To Book, DIY Festival Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category Honorable Mention, London Book Festival How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes Winner of five book awards Best National Book AWard, Law Category Best E-Book, New York Book Festival Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association Email: mgreen464@aol.com,  www.marygreenwood.org

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Negotiation Tip of the Day September 27



If you lost your cable during Irma or Maria or for any other reason, be sure to call your provider and ask for a credit.

I just called XFinity/Comcast and got a $24.14 credit on my next  bill. Getting a credit is not publicized, but the customer service rep dutifully calculated and added the credit. Figure out ahead of time how many days you were without cable. I don't know if XFinity actually has a way to know how long the cable was out, but they accepted the two days figure that I gave them.





Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere, Winner of 9 book awards; How to Mediate Like a Pro, winner of 12 book awards;  and How to Interview Like a Pro, winner of 12 book awards.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017





The Third edition of How to Negotiate Like a Pro has arrived. It is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Nook, and, hopefully, on Kindle soon.

Why should you get the third edition? It is revised and updated and has a new chapter called, How to Negotiate with Difficult People, including pathological liars, bullies and narcissists.