During the first 100 days of Trump's presidency, we have heard a lot about Trump's negotiation skills. As the author of How to Negotiate like a Pro, 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, I decided to review my own rules in the age of Trump.
Mary's Rule 3: You Don't Have to Be Right to Settle.
Trump's Rule 3. I am Almost Always Right.
What are the three words we want to hear the most, sometimes even more than "I love you." We want to hear "You are right." For some people this is even harder to say than "I love you." Even better is saying "You are absolutely right." When someone says that it is not the money that counts, it is the "principle," I know the negotiation is in trouble. When someone says it is the "principle," we know that he or she is still invested in their feelings in the dispute.
We know that Donald Trump thinks he is almost always right even if there are pictures (the inauguration or the women's march) or facts to the contrary (just call it fake news.) If someone thinks he is always right, facts, logic or arguments probably won't work. However you can use this to your advantage. Instead of trying to persuade the other person (Trump) that you are correct, instead change your tactics. Find something to agree with (no matter how small) or even apologize (more about that in a later post.) Do something that allows the other side to stay within their "rightness."
Getting past who is right and who is wrong is the key. Parties who are concerned with who is at fault rather than how to settle usually don't want to compromise. If you want the negotiation to move forward, you may have to be the first one to start the initiative and even accept some of the blame. If the other side is only interested in being right, chances are the situation won't be resolved.
Script:
I know you think this is my fault and maybe it is. How can we move forward to a solution. What do you want?
You are absolutely right. I made a big mistake. I want to apologize and hope you can forgive me. How can we proceed?
Posts
