Be Persistent in Your Negotiations

Be Persistent



I always learn something about negotiating after a visit with my grandsons ages 1.5 and 3.5. One of my grandsons was very interested in obtaining a special car from Disney's Animated Film Cars. Watching him, I learned a lot about persistence and intend to incorporate some of these rules in my own negotiations.

Rules on Persistence

1. If you really want something, don't give up.

2. Have a one-track mind.

3. Ignore whatever is being discussed and go back to that issue every chance you get.

4. Remind the other party frequently that this is all that you want.

5. Tell the other party that you are willing to have a tantrum if you don't get it.

6. Tell the other party that there is no substitute for the item you want.

7. Keep talking about this item no matter what is being discussed.

8. If you see it, pick it up in the store and don't put it back.

9. Make it clear that you are not leaving unless you get this item.

10. If there is discussion you don't want to hear, put your fingers in your ears and say "la-la-la-la-la."

11. Explain that you do not have an identical one at home; the one at home is green and this one is blue.

12. Explain that even if this is expensive, it will be worth the cost because you will not ask for another one.

13. Even if this won't fit in the suit case, it can be shipped home.

14. Explain that this is the only thing that can make you happy.

15. If all else fails, say,"I know you are, but what I am I."

16. If offered another item, don't look at it.

17. Don't get distracted and focus on your goal.

18. Keep saying the same thing over and over no matter what.

19. If all else fails, say, "The heart likes what the heart likes."

20. Point out that Timmy's Mommy lets him have one.


I have watched these strategies in action and am going to try them in the adult world. Try these techniques in your own negotiations and see where it takes you.

Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author

How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book Award, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.com blog: howtonegotiatelikeapro.blogspot.com

Have a Yes Day in Negotiation

I was reading Yes Day! by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichtenheld to my three year old grandson, Jack. After reading it to him only once, it is now his favorite book.

The tag line is "What do you call a day when every answer is yes?" The answer is "Yes Day!" There are questions such as: 1) Can I please have pizza for breakfast? 2) Can I clean my room tomorrow? and 3) Can we stay up really late? In the real world outside our book, the answer to such questions usually is "no", but the book advocates saying "yes" on "Yes Day."

The alternatives to "Yes Day" are the thirty-four ways to say "no" such as 1)"No way, Jose Day", 2) "Hands on Hips Day, 3) "Not Today Day," 4)When Pigs Fly Day," and 5) "Read My lips Day". You get the idea. We are so programmed to say "no" that we hardly ever say "yes" anymore.

Yes Day! is a children's book, but it is really geared toward the parents and grandparents, who are reading the book to the kids. They are usually the ones saying "no."

I was thinking that "Yes Day" also has application to adult negotiations. We are conditioned to say "no" to any idea or suggestion that someone else makes. We almost automatically say no to an idea that is not ours. Somehow "no" is much easier to say than "yes" and that continues throughout our lives. Why is that? Is it just easier to use one of the 34 "no" excuses? The people in the "Yes Book" look as though they are having fun by staying up late, having food fights and getting piggy back rides. Maybe we could have more fun saying "yes" more often and we are missing out saying "no" all the time.

In an adult negotiation, you might take the other side by surprise by saying "yes." You might catch them off guard since we usually expect an argument. What are we afraid of? Is there some commitment in saying "yes"? Are we hesitant to agree to trying something new? Do we think we look weak? Do we think we are the only ones with good ideas? That reminds me of the pillow I recently saw that says, "I am not bossy, I just have better ideas!"

If you don't want to be perceived as "giving in", You can always say we will try it this once or we will put in a pilot program to see if it works.

Try having a "Yes Day" and see where it takes you!

Let me know if it works.





Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author ofHow To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com

Negotiations, Poker,and the Presidency

Negotiations Are Like Poker
Presidents Like to Play Poker

On NPR Radio yesterday, the guest author was saying that many US Presidents liked to play poker. Apparently Eisenhower and Nixon were big-time poker players and many other Presidents liked the game, but the stakes were lower. Obama started a poker group in Illinois while he was a state senator. The question posed in the interview was whether Obama would continue to play poker in the White House.

Negotiations and poker are very similar so it seems natural that Presidents would like the game. The language of negotiations includes many references to poker. In negotiations we keep" bargaining chips" to get something that we want. Since we don't want the other side to know what we are thinking, we have a mask or "poker face." When we have a bad hand, we sometimes "bluff" so the other party is lured into thinking we have a good hand and might give up.

Maybe poker is a good thing in the White House. It hones negotiations skills that can be used beyond the poker table



Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

I Violated My First Rule of Negotiation

Even though I wrote How To Negotiate Like A Pro:41 Rules to Mediate Like A Pro, sometimes I violate my own rules. Today I violated Rule One:Focus on the Goal: Don't be Distracted by Your Emotions.

"It is important to check your emotions at the door before trying to negotiate anything. Emotions such as anger can make one lose control. We have all seen someone who gets red in the face and starts shaking his finger and generally looks as though he could easily have a heart attack. Sometimes that person is so mad that he is incoherent. You ned to get past that stage if you are going to succeed..."

Let me step back and tell you what happened. A friend gave me a gift certificate for $100 at a nearby restaurant because I had taken care of his Boston Terrier. We went to the restaurant for lunch a few weeks ago and spent $76.00. After we finished the meal, the waiter told me I had $24.00 remaining on my gift card.

Today we went back to the restaurant to use up the $24.00 on the gift card. We had a great lunch and the bill came to $36.00. I gave the waiter my credit card and the gift card expecting that I would pay the difference or $12.00 plus tip. After a few minutes, the manager came back and said that the card had zero balance. I said that was impossible and that there was $24.00 left. He also said that the card was only good for one visit. I explained that we had relied on the waiter's statement; otherwise we would have gotten two or three desserts to go at the previous visit.

Since it was such an upscale restaurant, I really thought they would give us the benefit of the doubt. However, the manager acted as though we were trying to pull a fast one. Something clicked and all of a sudden, I got really angry and started yelling. I asked him if he had ever heard the expression the "customer is always right," and he said no. I also asked why he would not stand by his waiter's comments and he said he did not have to since we were in the wrong. I yelled at him that we would never come back to the restaurant and I would tell everyone in the neighborhood how he had treated me. He said he did not care what I did and that it wasn't about the $24.00 anymore. At that point, I knew nothing good was going to come from this and paid the $36.00 on my credit card and left in a huff.

What did I do wrong? Everything. I raised my voice and got upset with the manger when I should have been concentrating on my goal of getting my $24.00. At one point, I had forgotten about the $24.00 and getting mad at the manager was counter-productive. Instead of coming up with new arguments, I just kept repeating the same argument and when he did not agree, I got agressive.


What could I have done differently? This altercation surprised me because it was an outcome I did not expect. I really felt that the $24.00 was my money and really could not believe they were not honoring the gift certificate. If I had been more pleasant and suggested to the manager that the staff were not familiar with the rules of the gift certificate,perhaps he would have reconsidered. Threatening him with not coming back or telling my neighbors, of course, fueled the flames.

What is the lesson I learned? First of all, it is easy for emotions sneak up on you during an argument. There was something in the manager's tone that set me off. I realize now that I need to be more aware of my feelings and tone them down accordingly. I needed to give the manager all my reasons in a reasonable manner. I blamed the waiter, but he was not there to help me so I needed a Plan B.

This was a valuable lesson for me. I realized that I am human and I can get mad just like everyone else even if I wrote a book on negotiations. It also proved to me that my Rule is a good one and it is almost impossible to negotiate when angry. If I had to do it over again, I would have controlled my anger, and been pleasant to the Manager, I think.

How would you have handled this situation? IF you have some suggestions, I would love to hear them.