Don't Let the Parties Get Bogged Down With the Principles or With the Facts

When someone says, "it is not the money, it is the principle," I know that the mediation is in trouble. That is because the party is making a judgment call that it is more important to be a martyr than to settle the case. Feeling that you are right can be heady, but it has no place in a mediation.

When a party is obsessed with the principle of a situation, that person is still emotionally invested in his or her feelings. Unless the mediator can help the parties get past those emotions, the case is very unlikely to be resolved.

However, this knowledge can be used to good advantage. Since one side has stated that money is not an issue, other strategies might work. The mediation may be resolved by one party giving an apology, changing procedures, or doing something else within the party's principles.

I try to explain that fault is not the essence of mediation. It is not a question of who is right or who is wrong, but how to resolve the situation.

Some parties will be so obsessed with the case that they want to go through chapter and verse as to what went wrong. This party may have a chronology of every date and time and who said what and where. These parties may relish going through every terrible detail.

The mediator cannot let the party get bogged down with the facts. Going through every detail this way is counterproductive. These "facts" need to be replaced with some solutions. The mediator can allow a party to vent in caucus but in joint meetings he has to get back on track. If one side is only interested in the facts and what went wrong, he probably won't want to compromise and chances are the situation won't be resolved.

I like to ask questions like:

1. Is it important that this case get settled?

2. How can we get beyond this blame game and move forward to a solution?

3.Can we forget the past and look to the present to resolve this?

Unless the parties can get past their principles and not get bogged down by the facts as they know them, they will be unequipped to resolve the mediation. However, if they are willing to get beyond figuring out who is right and who is wrong, they may have a chance at arriving at a resolution.




Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author ofHow To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com