My Dad

My Dad died on Tuesday a few weeks before his 94th birthday. I am attaching a copy of his obituary. They just don't make them like this anymore. He and my Mom were married 66 years. He will be missed, but we have many wonderful memories.

John Gage Greenwood

GREENWOOD, John Gage John Gage Greenwood, 93, died January 27, 2009. He was born February 24, 1915, at Hartford Hospital. He graduated from Hall High School in West Hartford, attended Dartmouth College, took a "sabbatical" with the English Merchant Marine, and finished his degree in mechanical engineering at Lehigh University. He married Margaret McClintock in 1943 in Monterey, Mexico, where he was working on a bridge project. His employment included Ingersoll Rand, Terry Steam Turbine and Joy Manufacturing. In 1967 he became a vice president of Sullair Corporation, which was founded on a revolutionary design of a rotary screw technology for air compressors. Their prescient motto was Cool, Clean, Pure, Green. His career took him and his family back and forth between the East and Midwest, finally settling in Old Lyme. He loved Old Lyme and served as the Vice-Chair of the Board of Trustees of the Lyme Academy College of Fine Arts. He was an avid reader, a traveler of the world, a gardener, a sailor, a great story teller , a collector of maritime artifacts, a graceful fox trotter, an enthusiastic bridge player and an ambidextrous tennis player. Most of all he was the best husband, father and grandfather. He was a listener, cheerleader and supporter of his daughters and grandchildren. He was devoted to his wife and relished her great wit and grace. He became her caregiver in the last years of his life as she developed Alzheimers disease. He described this role as a privilege. He is survived by his wife of 66 years; his daughters Mary Gage Greenwood of Miami Beach; Martha March Greenwood of Farmington, and Sara Davis Greenwood of NYC and Madison, and spouses, Joseph Kehm, David Levin and Kevin Toner; his grandchildren, John Gage Breakfield and his wife Astrid Luthi Breakfield, Madeleine Davis Kiwak and Eliza March Kiwak; and his great grandchildren, Jack Gage Breakfield and Gage Luthi Breakfield. He was predeceased by his older brother James. There will be a family celebration of Jack's life this spring. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to the Fisher Center for Alzheimers Research Foundation; One Intrepid Square, W. 46th St. & 12th Ave., NYC, NY 10036








Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Volunteer and Take Control of the Negotiations

Volunteer, Volunteer, Volunteer


You want to get as much control as you can in a negotiation. One way you can do this is to volunteer any time you can during the negotiations. Volunteer to prepare the agenda; volunteer to draft ground rules; volunteer to type up the day's notes; volunteer to frame the issues; volunteer to get comparable figures from the internet; and volunteer to prioritize the issues. I think you get the idea: volunteer!

Preparing the agenda is a tactical advantage because you can determine who goes first and make some preliminary suggestions as to the order and priority of topics. Being in charge of the note-taking is an advantage as long as it is done accurately and in a timely fashion. Using your computer and your software makes it less likely that a mistake is made in the final language.

The other side may be strapped for time or not want to take on any additional responsibilities and accept your offer to take on these projects. Although volunteering may mean extra work, it will usually pay off in the long run. Volunteering is a way to control the direction of the negotiations and get your opinions and solutions out front and center. Of course, if you are sloppy and make mistakes, than volunteering is not going to be an advantage. It could be a real detriment if you start confusing yourself and the other side. If you do volunteer, make sure you have the time to do the tasks correctly and don't make mistakes


Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Beware and Be Aware

Be aware and don't let your guard down. Even if you think the negotiations are going well, don't be lulled into complacency. Always be alert and vigilant and make sure you understand the ramifications of any agreement. It is like playing a game of poker. If you keep your poker face, it will be hard for the other side to interpret your moves. However, if you are tired or frustrated at the end of the day, you may sigh or let your face show how discouraged you really are.

Be careful what you say and how you say it. Everything you say should be planned and part of your overall strategy. Don't say anything off the cuff. It is important not to be too cocky or confident if the negotiations are going the way you want. Gloating or smirking can infuriate the other side. They will figure out that you got something you really wanted and they may suddenly get more aggressive so they can get something to gloat about. If you are asked why you are smirking, say you just heard a good joke and be prepared to tell one

On the other extreme, don't be too hesitant or informal. Don't be patronizing either. IF you give the impression that you are smarter that the other side, this can come back to haunt you. Usually it is best to have a neutral demeanor and occasionally have some emotion to show what is really important to you or to throw the other side off. It is all in the delivery. Let people know you are paying attention.




Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Don't Overreach in Negotiations

If you overreach and use ruthless tactics, such as an ambush, in a negotiation, the other side will want to retaliate at the next negotiation or even sooner. You may have won the battle but lost the war. You may have gotten some concessions for your side, but the relationship with the other side will deteriorate and be full of distrust.

You want to get as much as you can out of a negotiation, but there will be consequences if you go to extremes. It the other side is beaten down and so humiliated that they look bad to their team, they will be looking for an opportunity to humiliate you. The consequences of overreaching might not be readily apparent, but the other side will wait for the right moment to avenge their humiliation.

If you are the one that overreached, you might not want to wait until the other side retaliates to take action. You might want to meet with the other side and try to repair the damage of the previous negotiations. It is difficult to have a good working relationship after negotiations have gone bad. You may want to be conciliatory although any efforts might be met with distrust. The problem with overreaching is that you showed your true colors already and the other side will have a hard time trusting you again.

Don't make the mistake of thinking the other side might forget. Like an elephant someone who has been ambushed in a negotiation will never forget it. At the next negotiation, expect the same treatment or worse. You may want to be proactive now.




Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com