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Saturday, April 30, 2011

How to Negotiate Like a Pro With Your Mother on Mother's Day









Ever notice that when you get together with your Mother, you end up playing the same roles that you had in junior high? No matter how sophisticated and worldly we have become, we revert to those same roles we had at sixteen. We all love our Mothers and appreciate what they have done for us by raising us; however, the same arguments and resentments can bubble up and despite the lovely flowers, cards and chocolates, the best intentions for a pleasant day can disappear in a flash. Here are some tips for getting along with your Mother this Mother’s Day.


1. Don’t Let Your Mother Push Your Buttons.

There are always a few hot-button topics between Mothers and Daughters that will generate an emotional response. It might be hair, weight, style of dress, child-rearing, or choice in men. For me that topic is hair. My short-cropped hair has always been too short for my mother. When she would visit, sometimes her first comment would be, “You could be beautiful if you let your hair grow." I would usually say something nasty in response; one of us would give the other the silent treatment and the first day of the visit would be ruined. If I knew then what I know now, I would have focused on the goal (having a nice visit) and checked my emotions at the door before my mother’s visit. Anger can make one lose control and losing control is not what I want to do in the first five minutes of my mother’s visit. Now I make a light-hearted comment and go on to some other topic.

2. Look Forward, Not Back. The Past Is Called The Past For A Reason.

If one gets too involved in what has happened in the past, it can be counter-
productive. Don’t try to settle old scores during Mother’s Day. Remember your goal is to get through Mother’s Day without any flare-ups. Even if you feel that you have a grievance against your Mother, try to get beyond that, at least for now, and give yourself a reprieve from thinking about that issue. If you are still angry, take a few deep breaths and this will help relax you. Try to stay in the present and build new memories.

3. Be Willing To apologize.

If you have an argument with your Mother, make the first move to reconcile. Be prepared to shoulder some of the blame even if you don’t believe you did anything wrong. A sincere apology, and I mean sincere, can go a long way. When considering whether to make the first move, keep in mind that people do make mistakes, especially Mothers. When we are young, we think that our parents can do no wrong. As we get older, we realize that they are human and make mistakes, too. Also consider that your first move may be rejected and don’t be upset by that. Try at least one more time. Then you know that you made the effort and tried to take the high ground.

4. Try Something New

Ever notice that when you negotiate or argue with your Mother, that you use the same techniques and even the same arguments over and over. There is often a sense of déjà vu. Try something different. If you want your Mother to do something but you are afraid to ask, ask anyway. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. The worst that can happen is that she says "no". If there is something very important to you don’t take no for an answer, even if it is your Mother. As they say, there is more than one way to skin a cat. Don’t be intimidating but try to think of a different way to convince her to give you what you want. Make a minor change, or compromise or suggest a trade off so that she gets something she wants as well. For example, if you want your Mother to take care of the kids for a weekend, then think of something nice you can do for her.

5. Be Thankful

Be thankful for being able to share this Mother’s Day with your Mother. Remember that she may not be around next year or the year after and that those very maddening habits you dislike now, you might even miss when she is gone. Try to remember all the good things now and thank her now.

If you follow these tips, you will have a Happy Mother’s Day.

postscript

I originally wrote this blog four years ago. My mother is now 94 and has advanced Alzheimers. Recently she told me that "you are too old to be my daughter." In the past I might have been upset at the comment, but all I could do was chuckle and feel thankful that some of my Mom's wit is still here (she was voted the class wit in her highschool many years ago.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com

Mary Greenwood Debuts Interviewing Column at WritingRaw.com

See my new weekly column on interviewing at WritingRaw.com

Every Monday Morning, Writing Raw's website issues a new issue of Fiction, non-fiction and many tips and columns for writers and readers. Last week, April 25th, was the debut of my first column on interviewing called,(drum roll) How to Interview Like a Pro. Check it out.


Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of How to Interview Like a Pro, winner of four book awards, How To Negotiate Like A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com

How to Interview Like a Pro: Details, Details, Details.













1. Be on time:
The worst thing you can do in an interview is to be late. If you are late to the interview when you are trying to impress your prospective boss, then you will probably be late to work at your prospective job. Being late is disrespectful. Even if you have an excuse for being late (flat tire, late train, lost cab), there really are no good excuses. Get an alarm clock and leave yourself plenty of time to anticipate the unexpected. You should really arrive at your destination about thirty minutes early. If you are a little early, then you can reward yourself by getting a coffee at a local cafe.



2. Make sure you know the location of the interview:

This goes along with rule one above. You need to know where you are going, both literally and figuratively. Make sure you have the address and the telephone number of the person you are meeting, just in case you need last-minute instructions. Plug the address into your GPS and print out driving instructions, too. Sometimes the GPS instructions or the directions are wrong so it is good to have both. Do not rely on someone else to find the address for you, especially a taxi driver.



3. Wear the right outfit for the interview:
Try to wear an outfit that you think would fit into the work environment of your prospective company. You might even want to check the company's website to see how other employees are dressed. Look at the picture of your prospective boss to see what he or she is wearing. A nice suit or a jacket is usually a good choice for men and women. For a woman, it should fit properly but not be too tight or too revealing. If you think something may be too loud or bright, it probably is. You need to know the culture of your prospective employer. At Google or Facebook, employees dress much more casually. If you are interviewing at one of these companies, you do not want to overdress.



4. Give the right handshake:

In the era of hand sanitizers and H1N1 Influenza, some people don't like to shake hands, like Donald Trump. I still believe in a good handshake for both men and women. You have to have just enough oomph. A limp handshake is just wishy-washy and won't get anyone a job. A firm-but-not-too-firm handshake is just right. I have had people shake my hand who, I believed, were trying to hurt me so don't be a bone crusher. If you are someone who does not like to shake hands, try it anyway. However, if you really can't muster a handshake, say something witty so you can go on with a modicum of dignity. "I would like to shake your hand, but I sprained my hand." "My child is sick so I don't want to risk spreading the germs." While you are shaking hands, look the person in the eye and smile and say something pleasant like "It is nice to meet you." or "What a nice view." The most important thing is the eye contact and the smile.



5. Be careful with the jokes:

An interview is serious business, but you should still try to have fun. It is an interview not an execution. Cracking a joke can sometimes break the tension. Just make sure it is approrpiate. Your future employer does not want to hear a job that has a double entendre or is insulting to one of the people interviewing you. You have to find the right balance. Try to show your personality but don't be too outgoing. On the other hand, don't be boring and mumble in a monotone.





Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author ofHow To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com

How to Interview Like a Pro; Don't Assume the Interviewer Has Read Your Resume












1. Don't assume the interviewer has read your resume.
Don't assume that the interviewer has actually read your cover letter, resume, or anything else you may have provided. Even though you have written a full explanation in your cover letter, don't be surprised if the questions cover what you have already included in your packet. There are many explanations for this. Maybe the material did not get from human resources to the individual panel members. Even if it did, maybe the interviewers have not had the chance to read your information. Some interviewers may feel it is a waste of time preparing when they can just ask the applicant what they want to know.

If you get asked an obvious question, don't roll your eyes. Consider this a second chance to convince the committee that you are the best candidate for the position. For example, I mentioned in a cover letter that I had written two award winning books pertinent to the position. I was asked when the books were going to be published. I realized very quickly that the interview had not read my letter. However, it did give me an opportunity to toot my own horn and explain what the books were about and show how they were related to the job.

2. Ask what you can do for the company.
Of course, I am paraphrasing the famous John F. Kennedy quote. It is your job to show the interviewer what you can do for the company, not what it can do for you. That is why talk of benefits and salary are usually not appropriate at the first round of the interview unless the employer brings up the subject. In this economy especially, you need to show the future employer why it needs you and how your experience and expertise are going to help it move forward. This is where your research comes into play. You can show what you can bring to the table. You may be able to give some good suggestions on improvements that their competitors are using or suggest ways to save money.

3. Be observant.
The conventional wisdom is that a picture is worth a thousand words. While you are walking around the offices of your prospective employer, you are probably rehearsing your answers to hypothetical questions. You also need to be attentive and see what is going on behind the scenes. First impressions are not always correct, but they can give you a glimpse of what working at this company will be like. Look at the interaction between your prospective boss and associates. Observe whether the employees seem engaged. Usually a company will put its best foot forward for a prospective employee. If that is not happening, you may wonder why. What is the diversity of this employer? Who is making the coffee? Can you tell the management style of your future boss? This may be your next job so you need to pay attention.

You need to be super vigilant about finding out everything you need to know about this company and more specifically about your boss and co-workers so that if you do get a job offer, you will be informed enough to make a good decision.

If you follow these tips you will be interviewing like a pro!





Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author ofHow To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com

Thursday, April 21, 2011

How to Interview Like a Pro gives tip to Moneywatch Blog

My tip is Number 5

7 Ways To Increase Your Salary Now
By Amy Levin-Epstein | Apr 21, 2011 |


In business, it’s all about the Benjamins, right? Certainly, we’re all aware that securing salary increases are essential to career progression, but many of us don’t know how to make it happen. Whether you’re negotiating a new job offer or re-negotiating your salary at a current job, my experts have great ideas about how to earn what you’re worth — ASAP. Because no matter how much you love your job, you’ll struggle to be satisfied if you’re not being paid your market value.

1.Wait Until You’re Wanted
Particularly after an interview, you need to know they want you before they’ll fight for you (in the form of more money). “Employers don’t like to go back and forth about money any more than an applicant wants to. If they have decided to hire you and you are firm in your statement, you will [most likely] receive the higher salary,” says Monique Tatum, CEO of Beautiful Planning Marketing Group & PR.

2.Search Salary Info Online
“The internet has changed [negotiating] in that it is way easier to find what comparable salaries are,” says career coach Jack Chapman, author of the recently updated Negotiating Your Salary: How To Make $1000 a Minute. His favorites sites? Salary.com, PayScale.com, Glassdoor.com and Indeed.com. “Once you have that info, you’re able to have a better conversation with your boss. You can make an argument with some facts behind it other than your own individual value,” says Chapman.

3.Ask For More Time, Then More Money

A day or two will help you figure out what you think of a job offer or re-negotiation number — and what your next move should be. “Ask for at least 24 to 48 hours. Silence is golden when you just let it hang there awhile following an initial offer. Don’t rush to fill the quiet void!” says Meg Montford, career coach and CEO of Abilities Enhanced, a career coaching service.

4.Lay Out Your Value

If you’ve been at your company for awhile, schedule a meeting separate from your annual review, which can be a hectic time for managers, to discuss your successes and how your salary should reflect that. “Having a solid list of accomplishments showing what you’ve made saved or achieved for the organization helps keep you focused on facts not emotion,” says Carolyn Thompson, author of Ten Secrets To Getting Promoted.

5.Get Another Offer
This is an oldie but a goodie, says Mary Greenwood, author of How To Interview Like A Pro. Just like with dating, looking desirable to others can make the one you’re with want you more.


6.Never Let Negotiations End With a “No”
You’ve gotten a job offer or salary increase number that’s lower than what you want, but you hear “the money just isn’t there.” Time to start searching for another opportunity? Not so fast. “Say ‘I don’t know if I can accept it but is there some other way, like time off, or performance bonuses or something else that could make the package worthwhile?’” suggests Chapman. You might even offer to add a few responsibilities in order to increase your worth to the company, or ask about forgoing health insurance if you can buy it elsewhere for less.

7.Know When To Say When
“Know when it’s no longer in your best interest to keep negotiating and then move on to the next opportunity,” says Montford. If you feel like your company is consistently getting the better end of the deal, they probably are. Eventually, you’ll want to go where you’re valued.

Have a good salary negotiation tip? Please sign in below and share.






Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author ofHow To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Mary Greenwood Shares Interviewing Tips at 12:30 - 12:50 at UCF Book Festival on April 16 From her Book, How to Interview Like a Pro











Mary Greenwood has a booth at the second UCF (University of Central Florida) Book Festival held April 16th at the Arena at UCF. In addition, she will be giving a reading at 12:30 to 12:50 at the SPA Zone with interviewing tips from How to Interview Like a Pro.

Here is a list of the Exhibitors. It looks like a great Book Festival. I was at the inaugural Book Festival last year and this year looks even better!


Author David Talon
Barnes & Noble
Early Learning Coalition of Orange County
Florida Virtual School
Hilton Garden Inn
Lands Atlantic Publishing
Nemours, Bright Start!
The New York Times
Orange County Public Schools
Orlando Sentinel
Scholastic Book Clubs
UCF College of Education
UCF College of Sciences
UCF Office of the President The Florida Review
101 Reasons to Live
AIL Child Safety Kits
Always Willing To Create: A Journey Through Poetic Expression
Burrow Press
The Busy Brides Bible for Planning a Fabulous Wedding without the Expensive Cost of a Wedding Planner
The Contractress
Dancing Lilies Press: Children’s Book Publisher
DARE BOOKS
Educational Song Books
FDLRS-TSLL Hands On Mini Lab
Florida Writer's Association
The Happy Hollisters/Svenson Group, Inc.
Harry Douglass Press

How to Interview Like a Pro

Ian Randle Publishers
JB Heart
Koala Koala And Friends
Leedy's Books Inc.
Literary Threads
Montooth Books
MoSon and ECity Publishing
One Foot in Two Canoes Series
Orange County Reading Council
Orlando Area Science Fiction Society
Pirates, Vampires and Werewolves…The Lore Triology by Chad T. Douglas
Secret Gardens
Teganjaz Books Presents Author, Tracy L. Darity
University Press of Florida
Vesuvius – The Jet-Pack Bat
Wolf's Head Books



Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author ofHow To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awardsBest How To Book, DIY FestivalRunner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help CategoryFinalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year AwardsFinalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help CategoryHonorable Mention, London Book FestivalHow To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating DisputesWinner of five book awardsBest National Book AWard, Law CategoryBest E-Book, New York Book FestivalBest How To Book, Beach Book FestivalBest E-Book, Indie Excellence AwardsSpirit AWard, South Florida Writers AssociationEmail: howtonegotiate@aol.comwww.marygreenwood.com