Happy Birthday Dad

Dad would have been 94 today. My sisters and son have been compiling some of his favorite sayings. He loved the English language and loved to know the origins of words. He also loved colorful expressions. He was very optimistic and many of these sayings were used to encourage us when we needed it. Happy Birthday, Dad!

1. If you stick with me, you will be wearing diamonds.
2. Keep your snorkel up
3. Keep your chin up
4. Better than a sharp stick in the eye
5. Oppydildock
6. Bellyup
7. Don't take any wooden nickels
8. Let it roll off your back.
9. Roll with the punches.
10. As I live and breathe.
11. You are a sight for sore eyes.
12. Go get 'em tiger.
13 Connecticut is God's country
14. Connecticut is the banana belt of New England
15. The head gink.
16. Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
17. Put your best foot forward.
18. Always dress your best.
19. Go pound sand
20. Knock them dead


Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Finalist Reader View Awards, "How To" Category
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

How To Mediate Like A Pro a finalist in Reader Views Book Awards Contest

How To Mediate Like A Pro has been named a finalist in the "How To" Category in the Reader Views Annual Book Awards. The winners will be selected in March.


This is the seventh award for How To Mediate Like A Pro. It won Best "How To" Book from the Beacb Book Festival, Best General Law Book from the National Best Books Awards, Best E-Book from the New York Book Festival and the Indie Excellence Awards, Spirit Award from the South Florida Writers Association, and Honorable Mention from the London Book Festival.


Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

When to Stage a Temper Tamptrum in a Negotiation

If you want to make a point, a deliberately-staged temper tantrum might fit the bill. What makes this effective is that it is unexpected. If done sparingly, you can show that you mean business. Having a temper tantrum can also backfire. If a negotiation is particularly volatile and the parties are already discourteous and rude, a temper tantrum is not going to stand out.

If you do get angry, it should be on purpose and for effect as though you were an actor in a play. Generally it is better to be polite and charming, but not too charming or you will seem insincere. If you get angry and it is not staged, then you will be out of control. As Shakespeare said in As You Like It., " All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players."

The whole negotiation process is acting to some degree. You don't want the other side to know what your position is and how you really feel. However, on rare occasions, you may feel that the timing is right to show anger. Just make sure you are acting and in control.

Here is an example. When you are told your reserved hotel room has been given to someone else, that controlled anger may be a way to get the hotel's attention since they generally won't want you to make a scene. One the other hand, you are always taking a chance that you will humiliate yourself. It is best to try this when you have nothing to lose and may never see this person again. If you go forward, prepare your script and practice just as an actor would do. Give details so the person knows why you are so upset. Since you are in control, don't go overboard with your performance. When you stage a scene like this, always end with a proposed solution. Otherwise your performance may be wasted and the other party may not feel like proposing a solution after you have yelled at them.

Remember this is a tactic of last resort and use sparingly.







Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

My Dad

My Dad died on Tuesday a few weeks before his 94th birthday. I am attaching a copy of his obituary. They just don't make them like this anymore. He and my Mom were married 66 years. He will be missed, but we have many wonderful memories.

John Gage Greenwood

GREENWOOD, John Gage John Gage Greenwood, 93, died January 27, 2009. He was born February 24, 1915, at Hartford Hospital. He graduated from Hall High School in West Hartford, attended Dartmouth College, took a "sabbatical" with the English Merchant Marine, and finished his degree in mechanical engineering at Lehigh University. He married Margaret McClintock in 1943 in Monterey, Mexico, where he was working on a bridge project. His employment included Ingersoll Rand, Terry Steam Turbine and Joy Manufacturing. In 1967 he became a vice president of Sullair Corporation, which was founded on a revolutionary design of a rotary screw technology for air compressors. Their prescient motto was Cool, Clean, Pure, Green. His career took him and his family back and forth between the East and Midwest, finally settling in Old Lyme. He loved Old Lyme and served as the Vice-Chair of the Board of Trustees of the Lyme Academy College of Fine Arts. He was an avid reader, a traveler of the world, a gardener, a sailor, a great story teller , a collector of maritime artifacts, a graceful fox trotter, an enthusiastic bridge player and an ambidextrous tennis player. Most of all he was the best husband, father and grandfather. He was a listener, cheerleader and supporter of his daughters and grandchildren. He was devoted to his wife and relished her great wit and grace. He became her caregiver in the last years of his life as she developed Alzheimers disease. He described this role as a privilege. He is survived by his wife of 66 years; his daughters Mary Gage Greenwood of Miami Beach; Martha March Greenwood of Farmington, and Sara Davis Greenwood of NYC and Madison, and spouses, Joseph Kehm, David Levin and Kevin Toner; his grandchildren, John Gage Breakfield and his wife Astrid Luthi Breakfield, Madeleine Davis Kiwak and Eliza March Kiwak; and his great grandchildren, Jack Gage Breakfield and Gage Luthi Breakfield. He was predeceased by his older brother James. There will be a family celebration of Jack's life this spring. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to the Fisher Center for Alzheimers Research Foundation; One Intrepid Square, W. 46th St. & 12th Ave., NYC, NY 10036








Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Volunteer and Take Control of the Negotiations

Volunteer, Volunteer, Volunteer


You want to get as much control as you can in a negotiation. One way you can do this is to volunteer any time you can during the negotiations. Volunteer to prepare the agenda; volunteer to draft ground rules; volunteer to type up the day's notes; volunteer to frame the issues; volunteer to get comparable figures from the internet; and volunteer to prioritize the issues. I think you get the idea: volunteer!

Preparing the agenda is a tactical advantage because you can determine who goes first and make some preliminary suggestions as to the order and priority of topics. Being in charge of the note-taking is an advantage as long as it is done accurately and in a timely fashion. Using your computer and your software makes it less likely that a mistake is made in the final language.

The other side may be strapped for time or not want to take on any additional responsibilities and accept your offer to take on these projects. Although volunteering may mean extra work, it will usually pay off in the long run. Volunteering is a way to control the direction of the negotiations and get your opinions and solutions out front and center. Of course, if you are sloppy and make mistakes, than volunteering is not going to be an advantage. It could be a real detriment if you start confusing yourself and the other side. If you do volunteer, make sure you have the time to do the tasks correctly and don't make mistakes


Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Beware and Be Aware

Be aware and don't let your guard down. Even if you think the negotiations are going well, don't be lulled into complacency. Always be alert and vigilant and make sure you understand the ramifications of any agreement. It is like playing a game of poker. If you keep your poker face, it will be hard for the other side to interpret your moves. However, if you are tired or frustrated at the end of the day, you may sigh or let your face show how discouraged you really are.

Be careful what you say and how you say it. Everything you say should be planned and part of your overall strategy. Don't say anything off the cuff. It is important not to be too cocky or confident if the negotiations are going the way you want. Gloating or smirking can infuriate the other side. They will figure out that you got something you really wanted and they may suddenly get more aggressive so they can get something to gloat about. If you are asked why you are smirking, say you just heard a good joke and be prepared to tell one

On the other extreme, don't be too hesitant or informal. Don't be patronizing either. IF you give the impression that you are smarter that the other side, this can come back to haunt you. Usually it is best to have a neutral demeanor and occasionally have some emotion to show what is really important to you or to throw the other side off. It is all in the delivery. Let people know you are paying attention.




Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Don't Overreach in Negotiations

If you overreach and use ruthless tactics, such as an ambush, in a negotiation, the other side will want to retaliate at the next negotiation or even sooner. You may have won the battle but lost the war. You may have gotten some concessions for your side, but the relationship with the other side will deteriorate and be full of distrust.

You want to get as much as you can out of a negotiation, but there will be consequences if you go to extremes. It the other side is beaten down and so humiliated that they look bad to their team, they will be looking for an opportunity to humiliate you. The consequences of overreaching might not be readily apparent, but the other side will wait for the right moment to avenge their humiliation.

If you are the one that overreached, you might not want to wait until the other side retaliates to take action. You might want to meet with the other side and try to repair the damage of the previous negotiations. It is difficult to have a good working relationship after negotiations have gone bad. You may want to be conciliatory although any efforts might be met with distrust. The problem with overreaching is that you showed your true colors already and the other side will have a hard time trusting you again.

Don't make the mistake of thinking the other side might forget. Like an elephant someone who has been ambushed in a negotiation will never forget it. At the next negotiation, expect the same treatment or worse. You may want to be proactive now.




Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!
I have a lot to be thankful for this year.



I have a new grandson, Gage.

Now I have three Gages (Gage is my son's and grandson Jack's middle name, too.)









Throughout the year I had my loyal companion Betty, the Boston Terrier












My book How To Mediate Like A Pro was published in February and won six book awards. The one that meant the most was the Spirit Award from the South Florida Writers Association. It was also published in Kenya by Acrodile Publishers









Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

Desperate Times, Creative Measures from Guest Blog in ADRPages.com

I was delighted to be asked to be a guest blogger on ADRPages.com by Fey Ugokwe, J.D., Founder and Editor in Chief. I have reprinted the blog here. These are some things to think about the new economy in the NEW YEAR. http://adrpages.com/specialreports.php
SPECIAL REPORTS (GUESTBLOG):

Desperate Times, Creative Measures

by Mary Greenwood, Esq., ADR Author

http://howtonegotiatelikeapro.blogspot.com

www.marygreenwood.com

(edited by Fey Ugokwe, J.D., Founder/Editor-in-Chief ADRPages.com)

I recently received a very interesting e-mail from an online magazine that sells internet ad space.

Their e-mail had a 1-2-3-punch:

1. Check our current ad rates;
2. Tell us what you are willing to pay; and,
3. (As regards #2) We will quickly tell you ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

Their e-mail went on to say that:

a. The online magazine had never "resorted" to this technique before, but that these were "extraordinary" times;


b. One still needs advertising to sell, and that advertising is the online magazine’s sole source of revenue;

c. The online magazine wanted both the advertiser and itself to still be here when the economy improves;

d. If the online magazine and the advertiser could agree on a price, the advertiser could be offered an extended time to pay; and,

e. Even if the advertiser did not opt to buy an ad, they were welcome to call the online magazine and state how they were coping (in this economy).

Since I had written two award-winning books on Negotiation and Mediation, this "make me an offer" approach intrigued me. I made an offer, and subsequent to negotiation, we agreed upon a price--and my internet ad will be published.


What have you just learned about Sales Negotiations in this new economy?

1. We Are All In This Together.
We all indeed want to be in business when this economic downturn is over—and we now know that many familiar brand names will not be. Who would have thought that we would be saying something like this a year ago?

2. Desperate Times Call For Creative Measures.
You must not be desperate in these challenging economic times. You can't give in. You must really be creative and engage your customers. You must let them know that you will work with them and perhaps something can be worked out.

3. Make An Offer.
If you make an offer at the beginning of a negotiation, the worst thing that can happen is that the other side will say "no." On the other hand, the offer might be accepted. My situation with the aforementioned online magazine was a win-win: The online magazine now has a new customer--and, if that internet ad does well, I may post another one. Additionally, if we do all survive this economy, I probably will be amenable to paying full price for one of their internet ads, at a later time.

4. Work Out Payment Arrangements.
Some say that in this economy, payments can be extended. Others say “layaway” is the new credit card. Alternatively, more and more people are resorting to bartering as a form of working out payments, either informally, or via various more formal transaction web sites. As regards the latter, remember those stories about doctors getting paid with e.g., vegetables, during the Depression? Maybe there is indeed something that the other person can provide to pay, for what you are selling.

5. Keep In Touch With Customers.
I was struck that the online magazine asked the customer to call just to see how they were doing!
You must indeed let your customers know that you care about them--even if they are not currently doing business with you.

Happy Business Resolutions in the New Year!







Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards, Self-Help Category
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of five book awards
Best National Book AWard, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com

How To Negotiate With Your Family During the Holidays

Ever notice that when you get together with your family for the holidays that the same arguments and resentments bubble up through the good cheer year after year. Despite your best efforts not to let your siblings' comments bother you, you end up playing the same role in your family that you had in junior high. Here are some tips for getting along with your family this holiday season.

1. Concentrate on having a great holiday and don't get distracted by your emotions.

During this stressful holiday season, it is important to check your emotions at the door. Emotions such as anger or resentments lead to lack of control. You need to get past this stage if you are going to have a happy holiday. If you are the one who is angry or upset, you need to concentrate on what you what to accomplish (such as no scenes or confrontations) and not let anything stand in your way. It does not matter if you don't like a member of your family. Even if someone is rude, insulting, or even baiting you, don't give him or her the satisfaction that he or she has gotten to you.

2. Look Forward Not Back. The Past Is Called The Past For A Reason.

Don't try to settle old scores during the holidays. Remember your goal is to get through the holidays without any flare-ups. Even if one of your siblings did something to you in the past that still makes you mad, get beyond that and try to live in the moment and be happy. No matter how sophisticated and worldly we have become, somehow those same roles we had in high school show through and the same old pecking order manifests itself. In this situation, déjà vu is not a good thing.

3. Be Willing To apologize.

If you are estranged from a relative, maybe this is the year you will make the first move to reconcile. Be prepared to shoulder some of the blame even if you don't remember what the original argument was. Don't say, "I did not do anything wrong." or "It is against my principles to apologize!" That is beside the point. When considering whether to make the first move, keep in mind that people do make mistakes. Also consider that your first move may be rejected and don't be upset by that. At least you know that you made the effort and tried to take the high ground. A sincere apology, and I mean sincere, can go a long way.

4. Beware And Be Aware.

Be aware and don't let your guard down. Even if you think the holidays are going smoothly, don't be lulled into complacency. Be careful what you say and how you say it. One well-placed comment or zinger by you or someone else can spoil the whole holiday mood. Be alert to others' feelings. It is only a couple of days and you can get through it.

5.Be Thankful.

Be thankful for being able to share the holidays with your family. Remember that some of them may not be around next year or the year after and those very maddening habits you dislike now, you might even miss when they are gone. Try to remember all the good things and accentuate the positive. As my mother says, "If you can't say something nice, don't say something at all." Try saying something nice and see where it takes you. Happy Holidays.



Mary Greenwood, Mediator, Attorney and Author of
How To Negotiate LIke A Pro: 41 Rules for Resolving Disputes, Winner of six book awards
Best How To Book, DIY Festival
Runner Up, New York Book Festival, E-Book and Self-Help Category
Finalist ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards
Finalist, Best National Book Awards
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
How To Mediate Like A Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes
Winner of six book awards
Best National Book Award, Law Category
Best E-Book, New York Book Festival
Best How To Book, Beach Book Festival
Best E-Book, Indie Excellence Awards
Honorable Mention, London Book Festival
Spirit AWard, South Florida Writers Association
Email: howtonegotiate@aol.com
www.marygreenwood.com